Mrs Amber Apple

“Let me not to the marriage of true minds admit impediments. Love is not love which alters when it alteration finds, or bends with the remove to remove; oh no! It is an ever-fixed mark, that looks on tempests and is never shaken; it is the star to every wondering bark, whose worth’s unknown, although his height be taken. Love’s not time’s fool, though rosy lips and cheeks. Within his bending stickle’s compass come; Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks, but bears it out even to the edge of doom. If this be error and upon me proved, I never writ, nor no man ever loved.” 

 I love this sonnet.. isn’t it beautiful? i have it almost memorized.  

“For the Lord God is a sun and shield; the Lord bestows favor and honor; no good thing does He withhold from those whose walk is blameless.” -Psalm 84:11

 It is so comforting to know that we are in the grip of God’s wonderful grace…

allow me to be transparent with you. lately, i’ve been pondering what is it exactly when people [Christians] say, “Find your beauty in Christ…” i mean, what is that? now, if you are some Biblical Studies major who is reading this, you will have to excuse me. i’m a Biblical Studies major as well, and the automatic “Women’s Ministry” [emotionally feel good group] cliche’ answer would probably sound something like this, “To find your beauty in Christ is to be completely in love with Christ and to constantly be in His Word.” Okay, well that IS true, but i have found that advice absolutely NOT helpful in the least. excuse my frankness, but that is kinda obvious, right? as a Christ follower, i better be in love with Christ and be in His word!! if i’m not, i need to take a step back and ask myself if i really do have a relationship with Christ. right? right. 

back to my question. it’s spring time, and if i am a normal woman and if you, the reader, are a woman and a normal one at that, we would both agree, at some degree, that we hate Spring time. the winter has left us, layers of clothes must come off and the little pink poka dot swimsuit must come out and the damage must be taken into account. for some of us, this is a very very scary day and depressing. 

 however, i don’t think Christ would have us depressed. i thought about this as i was depressed today. seems like every single spring time is depressing. my eskimo wintery self has to loose the flubber that i have stored up and get ready for sunny days with hopefully the ocean in front of me. -this transition is hard considering you have the world around you saying different. seems like, anymore, if you are a size 4 it is a sin… let alone a 6 or even a 14. the ultra tan and itty bitty skinny is in, and the rest of us is out. even the people around me!! JUST the other day i was at a friends house and their mother made a comment that it is “shameful” to be a “certain size” —naturally this comment not only inflamed me but it also made me very very insecure about my own appearance. since then, i have got out all the old boxes of clothes that i have not wore in a year and i have been almost obsessive with my appearance. until finally tonight, i have been pondering Christ. this might be a “Christian cliche’” but i don’t care: what would Christ do? how would he react? 

well, the more i have thought about this, the more i think of the human heart. you’re going to think i’m crazy, but our heart is absolutely unpredictable. we have NO idea what to expect from it; after all it is completely drenched in our sinful nature. what is the one thing that women have as power? yup, you guessed it, our body. c’mon ladies, it’s true, lets me honest. why are women, even young girls, obsessive over how we look? 

1 Peter 3:3-4

“Your beauty should NOT come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight.” 

this passage, i believe, has been misinterpreted in some cases. some churches will go to the extreme as to say that women shouldn’t wear make-up, cut their hair or wear jewelry. i don’t think God would do that, he knows women are priss pots, He created us. however, i do believe that Peter is trying to tell us NOT, listen, to NOT find our beauty in those things. like $1,000 dollar Coach bag or a $100 dollar hair do or a size “?”. okay, i’m not saying those things are “bad”- but DON’T find our worth  in those things. your worth is to be found in Christ. look at what Christ did for you on the cross. lets not forget how dirty you are. Isaiah said that, “…He bore the sin of many, and made intercession for the transgressors.” there’s our worth. right there when Christ picked up that cross, carried it on his back to Calvary. no greater love… 

why do we forget this? why do i? seems like our pride, my pride, gets in the way sometimes and says that “this” and “that” is more important. what’s important is becoming more like Christ and saying, “But whatever was to my profit i now consider loss for the sake of Christ…” [Phil 3:7] amen?

my point? it’s not easy. i’m dealing with this SAME struggle right now. finding my identity in Christ isn’t enough for me. i’m tired of that advice and i’m tired of that “Women’s Ministry” same ol’ same ol’. i want to be just like Jesus. i don’t want to be so consumed with this world anymore, and that’s really what it is. the worry of appearance, etc is being consumed with myself and the world. if i am a friend of this world, i’m not a friend of God and well, since my citizenship is in heaven [Phil 3:20] i should probably start acting like it. it’s harsh, but it’s truth and it will set you free [John 8:32].

 ”Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You are like whitewashed tombs, which look beautiful on the outside but on the inside are full of dead men’s bones and everything unclean. In the same way, on the outside you appear to people as righteous but on the inside you are full of hypocrisy and wickedness.

 Proverbs 6:16-19

“There are six things the Lord hates, seven that are detestable to Him: haughty eyes, a lying tongue, hands that shed innocent blood, a heart that devises wicked schemes, feet that are quick to rush into evil, a false witness who pours out lies and a man who stirs up dissension among brothers.” 

Galatians 5:1, 22-23

“It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery… But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.” 

The loving day, the mounting sun, the friend I am happy with,

The arm of my friend hanging idly over my shoulder,

The hillside whiten’d with blossoms of the mountain ash,

The same late in autumn, the hues of red, yellow, drab, purple, and

light and dark green,

The rich coverlet of the grass, animals and birds, the private

untrimm’d bank, the primitive apples, the pebble-stones,

Beautiful dripping fragments, the negligent list of one after

another as I happen to call them to me or think of them,

The real poems, (what we call poems being merely pictures,)

The poems of the privacy of the night, and of men like me,

This poem drooping shy and unseen that I always carry, and that all

men carry…”

The dialogue that Friday morning was bitter. From the onlookers, “Come down from the cross if you are the Son of God!” From the religious leaders, “He saved others but he can’t save himself.” From the soldiers, “If you are the king of the Jews, save yourself.”

Bitter words. Acidic with sarcasm. Hateful. Irreverent. Wasn’t it enough that he was being crucified? Wasn’t it enough that he was being shamed as a criminal? Were the nails insufficient? WAs the crown of thorns too soft? Had the flogging been to short? For some, apparently so.

Peter, a writer not normally given to using many descriptive verbs, says that the passers-by “hurled” insults at the crucified Christ. They didn’t just yell or speak or scream. They “hurled” verbal stones. they had every intention of hurting and bruising. “We’ve broken the body, now let’s break the spirit!” So they strung their bows with self-righteousness and launched stinging arrows of pure poison. 

Of all the scenes around the cross, this one angers me the most. What kind of people, I ask myself, would mock a dying man? Who would be so base as to pour the salt of scorn upon open wounds? How low and perverted to sneer at one who is laced with pain. Who would make fun of a person who is seated in an electric chair? Or who would point and laugh at a criminal who has a hangman’s noose around his neck?

You can be sure that Satan and his demons were the cause of such filth. And then the criminal on cross number two throws his punch, “Aren’t you the Christ? Save yourself and us!”

The words thrown that day were mean to wound. And there is nothing more painful than words mean to hurt. That’s why James called the tongue a fire. It’s burns are every bit as destructive and disastrous as those of a blowtorch.

But I’m not telling you anything new. No doubt you’ve had your share of words that wound. You’ve felt the sting of a well aimed gibe. Maybe you’re still feeling it. Someone you love or respect slams you to the floor with a slur or slip of the tongue. And there you lie, wounded and bleeding. Perhaps the words hurt, perhaps not; but that doesn’t matter. The wound is deep. The injuries are internal. Broken heart, wounded pride, bruised feelings.

Or maybe your wound is old. Though the arrow was extracted long ago, the arrowhead is still lodged…hidden under your skin. The old pain flares unpredictably and decisively, reminding you of harsh words yet unforgiven.

If you have suffered or are suffering because of someone else’s words, you’ll be glad to know that there is a balm for this laceration. Meditate on these words from 1 Peter 2:23, “When they hurled their insults at him, he did not retaliate; when he suffered, he made no threats. Instead, he entrusted himself to him who judged justly.”

Did you see what Jesus did not do? He did not retaliate. He did not bit back. He did not say, “Ill get you!” “Come on up here and say that to my face!” “Just wait until after the resurrection, buddy!” No, these statements were not found on Christ’s lips. Did you see what Jesus did do? He “entrusted himself to him who judges justly.” Or said more simply, he left the judging to God. He did not take on the task of seeking revenge. He demanded to apology. He hired no bounty hunters and sent out to posse. He, to the astounding contrary, spoke on their defense. “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.”

Yes, the dialogue that Friday morning was bitter. The verbal stones were meant to sting. How Jesus, with a body wracked with pain, eyes blinded by his own blood, and lungs yearning for air, could speak on behalf of some heartless thugs is beyond my comprehension. Never, never have I seen such love. If ever a person deserved a shot at revenge, Jesus did. But he didn’t take it. Instead he died for them. How could he do it? I don’t know. But I do know that all of a sudden my wounds seem very painless. My grudges and hard feelings are suddenly childish. 

Sometimes I wonder if we don’t see Christ’s love as much in the people he tolerated as in the pain he endured.

Amazing Grace.

“No Wonder They Call Him The Savior” -Max Lucado